I don't know what to write about today.
It's a pretty lovely Saturday. I'm sitting in bed at a luxurious 9:03 a.m., Isaac's sticky-soft foot touching my leg as he takes in his new favorite cartoon. The windows are open, and the wind chimes and birds are giving us a quaint little background track. He has his applesauce. I have my coffee. Jason has the dogs out for a nice, bracing walk.
It's a good moment, but I still feel a little sad. I can't stop thinking about Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain this week and just ... what happened there? The truth is, I have no idea, and I can't begin to comprehend the depths of depression that takes someone so forcefully from this world.
They were two intrepid creative minds who built empires. But at the end of the day, those empires failed to sustain them. I remember watching No Reservations with my mom and dad at our home in Indiana, taking in the world through Bourdain's classic, genius (yet simple) combination of good food and great conversation. I, like so many women this week, remember the aspirational feeling of being a young career woman saving up for my first Kate Spade bag (accurate or not: a sure symbol to the world that we'd all 'made it').
The first instinct is to compare those outward personas with these tragedies and conclude that they don't add up. How could two astronomically successful people with so much to live for, in the end, stop living?
What I'm coming to understand is that it's not about the empire at all: Our outward successes are simply not barometers for our inward lives and core happiness. I've heard this sentence before, but it bears repeating: Depression is a disease. It takes over the body and mind without regard for a person's achievements, accomplishments or family situations. It's absurd to analyze the incongruity of an involuntary disease with outward success. Depression, it seems, just is what it is, and it doesn't discriminate.
Nothing I will write here on this topic will be adequate, so I'd rather share some of the helpful articles and comments I've turned to in the past few days to help make sense of the tragedies of this past week.
Why Suicide Isn't Selfish
Barack Obama tweeted this.
Women share tweets about their first Kate Spade bag.
The Myth of the "Perfect Life"
Success V. Happiness
And of course, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
How are you doing today? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.